England, Where Art Thou?
by Saha-Schirfa
Summary: As usual, America is late. But this time what will happen whil he isn't looking? Who has England? More Importantly, Who has England's pants? America VS France For England. XD
1. Chapter 1

Oh good I got here just in time. Now, where is that stupid git? He better be here. Ugh, America! It's been ten minutes and he still isn't here! The stupid…Where is he? Ugh… He's always late…And he's always so annoying…Ugh… but I love the idiot so much! Sometimes I think He does this to annoy me… Humph. I guess I'll just wait like I always do… England thought, sitting outside of the place they were supposed to have their date.

"Oh Shit! I'm late!" America shouted at the taxi driver, "Can't you go any faster?" He hadn't meant to be late… He was actually hoping to get there early. But stupid Cuba had to go and find him in the mall where he was getting flowers for England. America was still surprised that he had gotten away. He had just past the store where Canada happened to be shopping and went in. And, I think you know how that would end…

When he finally got there, he stopped where England usually sat and saw that his dear Iggy wasn't there. Maybe he went inside, America thought. He went into the restaurant and looked around expecting England to be there looking at a menu and drinking a tea. But, again, there was no Arthur to be found. America went back outside. It was 10:00… Maybe England had gone to America's apartment to look for him…

It rang once, it rang twice, it rang a third and final time, and then the voicemail picked it up. Ugh… He just had to be so uptight as to not have a cell, America thought. If only he had one… he thought. He was now on his way to England's house thinking of the last and final option, England was at home and sick or had forgotten or something had happened and he couldn't remember the date… America thought this wasn't very likely, but he didn't have any other ideas…

When he got there he ran the doorbell. He waited for ten minutes. No answer. He did this again 3 times before realizing he had a spare key. He opened the door and started searching the house. Arthur wasn't downstairs and hadn't responded to any of Alfred's shouts. America ran upstairs and looked. He didn't see anyone and figured that maybe England had gone out to the store or something.

At this point, America was extremely tired and decided to go back downstairs and nap on the couch. Arty couldn't possibly take too long, he thought.

He woke up that morning, at around ten. He figured that England had seen him asleep on the couch and decided to let him rest. He went in to the kitchen expecting to see his beloved sipping his tea and reading. But again he was nowhere to be found. That was when he saw that England had crossed out today in his calendar. That was strange because it said the time and place of their date on it… Something weird had happened… But America wasn't sure what it was yet…


	2. Chapter 2

Ugh, it is so very dark in here… thought England. I wonder where I am… The last thing I remember is America being late… Hm… I don't know… "Oh My fucking God! Where in the world are my trousers!" England shouted. He wasn't sure who to, but he could tell someone was there. Hm… How else can I figure out who kidnapped me… or at least that's what I think happened, he thought.

All he could remember was sitting outside for about five minutes… then someone started laughing… and then England passed out, or maybe he was hit over the head… Arthur simply couldn't tell… He remembered waking up in a car of some sort. And smelling…. ROSES! That was it! He knew know! That also explains why he didn't have any pants as well.

Oh no, England thought, what about America? The poor thing probably got there late and then went to England's… Hm… I wonder how long it has been… He tried to look at his watch but realized that his hands were tied and his watch was missing… What the…? Ugh… The stupid cheese eating wine happy git took it. I must find some way to get back to America… I wonder…

He looked upstairs again then downstairs again then he went outside and sat next to the big old tree. Usually the sight of the tree brought back memories… Ah… It usually calmed America down, but not now. It didn't help at all that America had no idea what had happened to his precious Iggy… Who? What? Practically everyone hated the tea sucker… Who could America call who could help…? Kiku!

"Hello?" the quiet man answered the call, not expecting one this early.

"Hey Japan. America here. You see… I've run into a problem…"

"What is it?"

"Um… I think I lost Arthur…"

"W-What? How could you..." he said, trying to analyze what the other man meant.

"Um… could you just come over to England's?"

"Sure. Goodbye."

This discussion thoroughly confused Kiku, which was a hard thing to do. But Japan knew that when dealing with America, it was best to be face to face. Japan wondered how England could be missing, but he figured America had just lost track of him.

When Kiku got there, America simply let him in and started uttering complete nonsense. This was most likely because Alfred was quite worried. I mean, he loved Arthur to death. Kiku looked around the house for any clues to where England could have gone to. Japan thought that the most probable thing would be that England had an emergency meeting with his boss and had to fly there. Or maybe even something scheduled that America didn't know about… I mean, this was 'America' we were talking about.

"Humph… aren't you going to show yourself?" The brit said, "I already know it's you." "Well then, we will just have to find another game to play until your stupid little companion arrives…" France said with a laugh. "How about, Strip Poker?" the Frenchman suggested excitedly. "I hate you so much, you git." England retorted."We can't pay strip poker if I'm missing a point already, anyways. So why don't you give me back my pants and we settle for Go Fish?" "You can't trick me, I did this for a reason you know."


	3. Chapter 3

"America? Where are you?" Kiku said, wondering where the presence from behind him had gone. "Oh, I um…. Just noticed something strange," America replied. Japan walked into the room noticing the thing America had probably seen. It looked like someone had rushed out of the room packing, which would make sense. But, the weird thing was... none of England's pants were packed. "Well… this is…" was all Kiku could think to say. " He wouldn't pack like this," America blurted, "Even when he is in a rush he takes the time to fold and be neat and he would never forget to pack pants."

"Well, it's decided… HE'S BEEN KIDNAPPED!" America set, letting his mind set it to stone. "Are you sure, America-Chan?" Kiku wasn't really sure yet… America set off around the house, looking for clues. He was now very determined to find a culprit. Even though, he probably didn't know what culprit meant.

He started searching the house for clues, and told Kiku to make a list of suspect. America had always loved Sherlock Holmes and C.S.I. He tried to find any clues possible. He looked for fingerprints, but found none. Then he saw it. There it was right in front of him. A rose was sitting on the kitchen table. This meant… "FRANCE!" America shouted. Japan came rushing in to see the rose, and then said "What are we going to do know?" America replied with a simple, "Go to France's."

"So what do you plan on doing to me?" England said, hoping it wasn't too disgusting for him. "Nothing, not until the idiot arrives." France responded, starting to show the plan to Arthur. "Hm… So, you want to have a duel with him or something?" "No." "What then? You want a competition?" "Well, it all depends on when he comes. Before or after it." "Before or after WHAT?"

But, England had lost his chance, for right at that moment, the doorbell rang. Francis went to answer it and, as soon as he left, he started balling. Please, please, please don't let him get hurt, he thought. He was hoping he could manage to reach the fairies. He loved his American Idiot enough to die for. But that certainly didn't want him to die.

_Ding-Dong. Ding-Dong. Ding-Dong._ America was filled with such vigor he just kept on ringing the doorbell. He thought that if he annoyed France enough he could get him to let him in. Then Francis answered the door and said, "Ah… We've been ex…" He would have said expecting you, but he was hit with a punch before he could finish. America wasn't the most athletic, but he was pretty strong.

Then he shouted, "Where is England?" And France said, "I don't know. Who has his pants?"


	4. Chapter 4

"What?" America said confused, once again…

"I said who has his pants?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

America pushed France out of his way, rushing into the house. He called out for England, but there was no reply. He had pretty much searched every room. He turned around and found France and Japan standing right behind him.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY IGGY?"

"I don't know…" France said in an evil and perverted way. Then he laughed his creepy pedophile laugh.

"Alfred-Chan," Kiku was suddenly saying, "I think you must first answer the question."

"What? What question? Are you talking about the whole 'pants' thing? I don't even understand what it means..."

"I think…." Japan said hesitantly, "That is the point."

"Hm… Pants… Pants? Who…. Pants," Alfred started, as usual thinking aloud. "Maybe… It has to do with none of Iggy's pants bring packed?"

France just stood there and continued laughing. America walked up to him and threw a hamburger at him. Please don't ask where he got t from, because honestly he probably doesn't even know. He walked out from the room and wandered up to check the second floor. Then he heard it. He could hear a faint talking, more like whispering.

"I don't know, Flying mint bunny," Alfred heard England say, "I just… I'm not sure who has my pants." "It's just… maybe if I…"

America ran towards the sound. Well, it was a run for America but as I said before he isn't very athletic. When he arrived at the door he thought he could hear England from he stepped back and rammed himself into the door. Just as America's head would have hit the door, England opened it.

"Alfred?" his speech was stopped by getting hit in the stomach by America.

"HA HA HA HA HA!" Alfred couldn't stop laughing; he thought that was extremely funny, but also he was glad to be back with England. Whether or not they were on the ground in France's house.

"What in the…." England said again, "What are you doing here?"

America suddenly jumped up and dusted himself off. Then he said, with his signature pose, "I'm the hero!"

"Well, maybe I don't need a hero," England replied, shocking America, Japan, and even France.


	5. Chapter 5

"What... What are you talking about? Iggy, I don't understand." America stated with a worried and yet clueless expression.

"I think… that might be the problem," said England, somewhat surprised at what he was saying.

Finally out of his state of shock, Francis started to laugh again. The way his laugh was… It is so hard to describe… It's well…. Somehow he manages to be scary, perverted, eerie, and impeccably handsome at the same time. Well, honestly that's just France in general…

"What the hell is so damn funny?" America suddenly blurted.

"The idea to bring you here… It was to make him think that way, and as all plans occur, the person who thought up the idea is looking at their success and admiring it."

"Wait, so… your plan was what exactly? To make me realize that America is a git who sometimes doesn't get me? And then you just presumed I would come running into your arms? Well, if that's the case then you're quite mistaken." England spoke, halfway thinking aloud.

"The objective is to make you realize who it is that has your pants," France stated, thinking he was all so clever.

"Well… actually I was kind of wondering where his pants were…?" America said, not realizing that France was meaning it figuratively.

Francis and Arthur began to laugh, and even Kiku chuckled. That was America for you, even in the most serious of situations he could manage to say something incredibly stupid and not even realize it.

As they began to stop, they realized that they were still in this situation and a decision was still to be made. It was quiet for a few moments, until something unusual happened. Kiku walked over to England and said "Well I think we both know what you're going to do."

To this England replied, "Well, yes. But I like my romance like my books, interesting and suspenseful." He paused for a moment, "You two will duel, a classic battle of sorts. You will fight for the maiden, but preferably not to the death, and well… I'm not exactly a 'fair maiden'."

"I, as the hero, accept this challenge! I will fight for my love!" He said, just as his stomach started to growl. "But, maybe… We could have lunch first?"

They all laughed once again, finding the fact that no matter how much you were upset with or didn't like America, he could always make someone laugh even if it wasn't on purpose.

And they had lunch; they went out because Alfred was afraid that France would try to poison him and when England offered to cook everyone quickly shouted no.


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey…. Where is France?" America suddenly realized that he hadn't seen the pervert in awhile. Well, he had been occupied eating an absurdly sized pile of hamburgers, so...

"I think he has already started," replied Japan, "also England-san went back to his house, and said that is to be the location of the duel."

They walked outside the McDonald's, and America hailed a cab with that certain finesse that only a New Yorker can pull off. They went to Arthur's house and saw Francis there attempting what appeared to be serenading. Kiku sort of understood what was going on, whereas Alfred just looked on confused (not like that was a strange occurrence…)

"IMA KILL YOU, France!" America stated as he finally understood what was going on by comparing it to some 80's movie he had seen.

"…. La, la, love, oi ho ho ho…. Decided to show up I see?"

America then did something nobody ever thought he was capable of. He had a mature adult realization. He remembered the fact that England by far disliked France. This could only mean one thing, England wanted some kind of romance. He had to be tired of the normal show up, eat fast food, talk a little, go back home… and so on. So, in that moment America decided on his plan. And, surprisingly, it was a fairly intelligent and good one.

-**A/N: Sorry for the long time to post up a chapter! Also sorry for this being so short! I would keep on going, but I'm not definite on what America's plan will be yet. **

**Please review! We can make a trade, for every 3 good reviews I get, I will write 1 new chapter! Tee hee… We'll see how this goes. XD**


	7. Chapter 7

America then turned right around and shouted to England, "I'll be back in like… an hour!" He then ran to the taxi and had it take Japan and him to America's house.

"Um… what are we doing here?"

"I finally understand what's going on. I think… Well, I at least get the pants thing and that England is trying to get me to be romantic. And um…" America then got distracted by the sight of his leftovers from the last morning he was here, which was half of an absurd pile of hamburgers. And, for the first time ever, Alfred chose something over McDonald's.

Japan was then told to wait on America's couch as he ran throughout the place collecting a strange assortment of things. In his hands was everything from clothes to a boom box. Kiku found the whole thing slightly entertaining and really confusing, but he kept quietly to himself as he wondered about what Alfred could possibly have in mind to do with those things.

After about 15 minutes, America came down with a huge duffel bag filled with many things that would normally never be put together in a duffel bag. That's America for you… They then went out to America's garage and took his camouflage-painted Jeep. They took off with a swerve that almost hit the neighbor's mailbox and began their journey.

"Alfred, do you have a plan?"

"Heck yeah, I do. I'm calling it the Epic-Alpha-Heroic-Amazingly Romantic-Save-the Day- and-My Relationship-Cool-Awesome-Plan! E.A.H.A.R.S.D.M.R.C.A.P for short."

Thus, that was the start of a long and confusing road of places that made no sense to normal person. But, since he was calling it the E.A.H.A.R.S.D.M.R.C.A.P, To America it probably made perfect sense and was incredibly intelligent.

The places they went to were many more than you would think you could go to in an hour. Just naming some of them, they went to a bookstore, a farmer's market, a bakery, a tailor, and a Wal-Mart. And that is barely naming half of the places they went. They also stopped at Spain's, Canada's, and Hungary's Houses. As anyone could tell, this plan may be just as elaborate as the name made it sound.

**A/N: Hey! Hope this chapter confused you just enough, lol. Also, hoped you liked it! If you have any ideas for America's plan please COMMENT! Comments will be rewarded with cookie-cake-pie-Ala mode-with CANDY ON TOP! (as soon as I invent it. XD) _Saha**


	8. Chapter 8

"He's a half an hour late Mon série," said the perverted Frenchman, "I say that I should win just by default."

"THE HERO IS HERE!" they heard America's voice through a megaphone, "COME TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BUILDING!"

Francis and Arthur walked around just in time to see the huge sort of festival going on. You could see a stand dedicated to Jane Austin and another all about different teas. There was another dedicated to pirates and one showing all sorts of things from the 1800's. There was even a mythical creature station and a wizarding tools booth. All throughout the thing were nations running about and having fun. At the very back there was a stage upon which America was currently standing. He was wearing a suit jacket of the finest demeanor over jeans and a t-shirt, it was somehow incredibly informal and yet extremely formal but it didn't really matter for he looked super sexy either way. As they walked up music began to play and Alfred started singing,

"_I love you more than Russia loves stalking people,_

_I need you more than fish need water,_

_I want you more than Italians want unlimited pasta,_

_I wouldn't trade you for all the Big Macs in the world-_

_I'm sorry for being such an idiot…._

_You have the right to hate me into oblivion….._

_But I hope you'll forgive me because ….._

_I love you more than Prussians love to say they're awesome,_

_I need you more than Macaroni needs cheese,_

_I want you more than Matthew wants to be recognized,_

_I wouldn't trade you for all the video games in the world-_

_I love it when you tell me I'm a git or wanker….._

_I love it when you quote Shakespeare…_

_I hate it when I'm not close to you…._

_I hate it when I can't get you everything you desire…._

_I hate that you don't see how much I love you-"_

America then came running up to England saying things like "let's go have fun, Iggy!"But Arthur was so shocked and amazed that he had lost all consciousness of where they were and who was near them that as soon as Alfred came within reach he kissed him so hard that he would permanently have his taste on his lips. When they finally broke apart, England whispered "It looks like you've won." America simply replied with "Well Duh," before they began to kiss again the air filled with a joy and romance so strong it was contagious.

The End.

**A/N: Um… yeah it's been forever since I updated but I finally have and hopefully someone will read this and somewhat remember the rest of the story. I just realized that I wrote really short chapters for this and I need to remember to make them longer… Well I hope you all enjoy the ending and I hope the song wasn't a total disaster. Reviews are rewarded with unicorn hugs! **

**_SAHA **


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